FYI-I FINAAAAALLLLLLYYYYYYY dumped all my blogs into one big fat one:) I know I know I know... bout dang time!!!
So, please feel free to hop over to http://amayzinglife.blogspot.com/
If you are really super bored, you can actually scroll through the past 4+ years all the way to Bella's birth and first years, Hunter's pregnancy and first years, my cancer, and our LIFE:)
Love
D
Friday, August 5, 2011
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
The Cancer Aftermath
When I was in the midst of my cancer battle, I longed for the days when I could finally say those 2 sweet words "cancer free". I am thankful to God, my awesome healer, for getting me to that point. I just never imagined the ongoing aftermath of cancer. Sometimes it is frustrating and discouraging to have one thing after another pop up and in the end all point back to either my cancer, my surgery, my radiation or my blood counts being so low they were classified as "life threatening". In my head I know, and am continually working to accept, the fact that every little twinge, pain or "off" thing is going to send me into a spiral of worrying whether the cancer is back or if a new cancer has started to take over my body. I'm trying to look at things positively and remind myself that at least by the time I get to the age where a normal person would actually be having all these procedures (mammogram, colonoscopy, breast biopsy) that I'll have already gone through it and be an old pro and have no worries:) I just pray to God for peace, discernment, wisdom, and the strength and desire to make that leap from surviving to thriving-my new goal for 2010!!
So the latest... had a colonoscopy this morning. It honestly was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be-I was totally zonked out so I didn't even know when it started or when it was happening, and all the nurses were so awesome and kind. The worst part, as you can easily imagine, was the prep-not even gonna go into those pretty details LOL Really wasn't fun when you are attempting to help your spouse get 2 little people to bed, and pathetically even the "food" on Cafe World (Facebook) was looking soooo scrumptious!
I had the colonoscopy because I've had alot of lingering symptoms since my last radiation treatment-some of it started during radiation, some stopped when radiation stopped, some continued and some new ones started. So my oncologist wanted to make sure it was related to damage from radiation and nothing else was going on.
YAY good news (or I guess best that it can be in this case)-I have radiation proctitis (no cancer, no polyps, no biopsy necessary, so basically as "normal" as could be in my case). Apparently 75% of cancer patients who receive radiation to the pelvis/abdomen end up with radiation proctitis. We are hoping mine is mild enough that it can be treated with medication.
First attempt will be an anti-inflammatory enema, once nightly for one month (oh yeah, gonna be fun evenings in our house BLAH). The surgeon also mentioned trying an anti-spasm medication which I think would do wonders because I had to take something similar when I had bladder issues during radiation and it helped alot-so I'll discuss going ahead with that when I see him next month. If neither of those work, we'll look into other meds and as a last resort, surgery. Gonna definitely do my research and find any and every med tried so I can avoid surgery!!
So the near future holds- breast biopsy follow up with Dr. Friesen on Friday, colonoscopy follow up with Dr. Rogers early next month, routine oncologist appt in April, and then follow up mammogram this summer. I soooo long to be 5 years out, officially in "remission" and prayerfully done with all this JUNK!! But I know I just need to rest and be thankful that I AM cancer free, I'm not in the middle of that battle, and I am ALIVE-here with my husband, my babies, my family and friends, and am able to get out of bed every day and not only just function but live a pretty darn awesome life:)
Thanks for all the sweet and encouraging emails and cards-love you and thank you for the prayers!!
So the latest... had a colonoscopy this morning. It honestly was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be-I was totally zonked out so I didn't even know when it started or when it was happening, and all the nurses were so awesome and kind. The worst part, as you can easily imagine, was the prep-not even gonna go into those pretty details LOL Really wasn't fun when you are attempting to help your spouse get 2 little people to bed, and pathetically even the "food" on Cafe World (Facebook) was looking soooo scrumptious!
I had the colonoscopy because I've had alot of lingering symptoms since my last radiation treatment-some of it started during radiation, some stopped when radiation stopped, some continued and some new ones started. So my oncologist wanted to make sure it was related to damage from radiation and nothing else was going on.
YAY good news (or I guess best that it can be in this case)-I have radiation proctitis (no cancer, no polyps, no biopsy necessary, so basically as "normal" as could be in my case). Apparently 75% of cancer patients who receive radiation to the pelvis/abdomen end up with radiation proctitis. We are hoping mine is mild enough that it can be treated with medication.
First attempt will be an anti-inflammatory enema, once nightly for one month (oh yeah, gonna be fun evenings in our house BLAH). The surgeon also mentioned trying an anti-spasm medication which I think would do wonders because I had to take something similar when I had bladder issues during radiation and it helped alot-so I'll discuss going ahead with that when I see him next month. If neither of those work, we'll look into other meds and as a last resort, surgery. Gonna definitely do my research and find any and every med tried so I can avoid surgery!!
So the near future holds- breast biopsy follow up with Dr. Friesen on Friday, colonoscopy follow up with Dr. Rogers early next month, routine oncologist appt in April, and then follow up mammogram this summer. I soooo long to be 5 years out, officially in "remission" and prayerfully done with all this JUNK!! But I know I just need to rest and be thankful that I AM cancer free, I'm not in the middle of that battle, and I am ALIVE-here with my husband, my babies, my family and friends, and am able to get out of bed every day and not only just function but live a pretty darn awesome life:)
Thanks for all the sweet and encouraging emails and cards-love you and thank you for the prayers!!
Friday, January 22, 2010
Cancer Free!!!
WOOOO awesome report-the path results from my biopsy show NO CANCER!!! When the nurse called to tell me on Monday, I screamed, "AWESOME!! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU" and then hung up on her:) LOL oops!! I was just too excited and didn't even think to ask questions. Thankfully I have a follow up appt next week. I was able to take off the binding on Wednesday (never thought I'd be so thankful for a normal bra LOL) and only have bruising now (not swollen or sore anymore-YAY). We have done so much rejoicing this week-thank you SOOOO much for all of your prayers!!!
On to the next medical adventure.... I seriously cried all the way home on Wednesday just being sick of medical junk always looming in the distance attempting to consume my thoughts-kinda let it take over for a bit that afternoon. I have been diagnosed with radiation colitis. Unfortunately when you have radiation, it not only kills the nasty cancer cells but the good healthy ones too (did you see Grey's Anatomy this week and the "smart" radiation that only kills the cancer cells-AWESOME!!!). So my radiation was to my pelvis and abdomen and apparently it did quite a bit of damage to the organs in my abdomen and that is why I'm still having alot of the radiation after effects, still this far out from my last treatment. So lucky me, I get to have a colonoscopy on Jan. 27th. I'm trying to be positive and look at it as once I do get old to the age where it is actually normal to have these kind of lovely procedures, I won't have to have any fear cuz I'll already know what to expect-HA, gotta find the silver lining and that is what I came up with! So if you can say a little prayer that the procedure goes off without a hitch and everything comes back just peachy:) I'm ready for a year when I'm no longer a never-ending prayer request LOL But am eternally greatful for all of your prayers!!!
PS-Chubs is walking!!! Gonna try to get it on video this weekend and post it on the family blog:)
On to the next medical adventure.... I seriously cried all the way home on Wednesday just being sick of medical junk always looming in the distance attempting to consume my thoughts-kinda let it take over for a bit that afternoon. I have been diagnosed with radiation colitis. Unfortunately when you have radiation, it not only kills the nasty cancer cells but the good healthy ones too (did you see Grey's Anatomy this week and the "smart" radiation that only kills the cancer cells-AWESOME!!!). So my radiation was to my pelvis and abdomen and apparently it did quite a bit of damage to the organs in my abdomen and that is why I'm still having alot of the radiation after effects, still this far out from my last treatment. So lucky me, I get to have a colonoscopy on Jan. 27th. I'm trying to be positive and look at it as once I do get old to the age where it is actually normal to have these kind of lovely procedures, I won't have to have any fear cuz I'll already know what to expect-HA, gotta find the silver lining and that is what I came up with! So if you can say a little prayer that the procedure goes off without a hitch and everything comes back just peachy:) I'm ready for a year when I'm no longer a never-ending prayer request LOL But am eternally greatful for all of your prayers!!!
PS-Chubs is walking!!! Gonna try to get it on video this weekend and post it on the family blog:)
Monday, January 11, 2010
Blah
Threw myself a big ol pity party tonight-felt kinda good to just let go of the tough girl facade and have a nice lil meltdown:) Gonna pray lots tonight cuz I think Satan is really trying to creep in and plant lots of anxiety, doubt, worry and TONS of anger.
I know cancer will always be a part of my life. I know every ache, pain, weird "off" thing will cause me to think, "Is it back?" But dangit I do NOT want to go through this again! I do NOT want my family to have to be dragged through it. I hate even thinking about my life possibly having to revolve around cancer all over again.
I've been positive since I found out I was gonna have surgery. Just gonna get in there, get this junk out and it'll be nothing. Not sure what the heck my problem is today but it ain't fun! I guess just the fear of yet another surgery, dreading the wait over the weekend, and knowing anytime my phone rings on Monday or Tuesday I will want to throw it. I'm gonna tell the surgeon that if it is bad news, they need to call me and tell me to come in. Don't tell me over the phone. I want my family with me this time. Finding out last time all alone when I went in thinking they were just gonna stop the bleeding again was not fun (granted they didn't get the path report til after I was already there so there was no way to avoid it). If its good news, then they can call and just tell me over the phone and I'll jump around squeeling like a goofball:) Oh I hope I get to jump!!!
Last week, one night when I was having a doubtful moment, I just said to God, "Ok, seriously if this is what you need to be able to use me in awesome ways, I'll take one for the team. Use me use me use me but it better be all for your glory God!!!" Yeah that sacrificing moment didn't last too long-went right back to praying for no cancer! But seriously, the last time around, God used me in so many awesome ways and still is, just touching people and being there, being able to use that whole experience for his glory has been life changing. Then I said, "Ok, but really God, could we just skip a 2nd dose of it? Is it REALLY necessary?" I dunno-just a crazy back and forth dialogue I've got going with him-somehow keeps me sane:)
I know cancer will always be a part of my life. I know every ache, pain, weird "off" thing will cause me to think, "Is it back?" But dangit I do NOT want to go through this again! I do NOT want my family to have to be dragged through it. I hate even thinking about my life possibly having to revolve around cancer all over again.
I've been positive since I found out I was gonna have surgery. Just gonna get in there, get this junk out and it'll be nothing. Not sure what the heck my problem is today but it ain't fun! I guess just the fear of yet another surgery, dreading the wait over the weekend, and knowing anytime my phone rings on Monday or Tuesday I will want to throw it. I'm gonna tell the surgeon that if it is bad news, they need to call me and tell me to come in. Don't tell me over the phone. I want my family with me this time. Finding out last time all alone when I went in thinking they were just gonna stop the bleeding again was not fun (granted they didn't get the path report til after I was already there so there was no way to avoid it). If its good news, then they can call and just tell me over the phone and I'll jump around squeeling like a goofball:) Oh I hope I get to jump!!!
Last week, one night when I was having a doubtful moment, I just said to God, "Ok, seriously if this is what you need to be able to use me in awesome ways, I'll take one for the team. Use me use me use me but it better be all for your glory God!!!" Yeah that sacrificing moment didn't last too long-went right back to praying for no cancer! But seriously, the last time around, God used me in so many awesome ways and still is, just touching people and being there, being able to use that whole experience for his glory has been life changing. Then I said, "Ok, but really God, could we just skip a 2nd dose of it? Is it REALLY necessary?" I dunno-just a crazy back and forth dialogue I've got going with him-somehow keeps me sane:)
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Latest
Quick Update: I went for my first mammogram last week (highly recommended since I am now on hormone replacement therapy from my hysterectomy). Got called back in this week for a follow-up on a "spot". Was shown the "spot"-about 5mm pea size on the left side, showed up again on the 2nd mammogram. An ultrasound was performed to rule out clogged/inflamed/dilated ducts, and all of that was ruled out-it is a solid mass. The radiologist said, "You are so young and it looks benign so we can watch it for 6 months." I said, "We will do no such thing! I was too young for cervical cancer, had a normal pap smear 2 months before being diagnosed and it looked benign then too, so NO we will NOT wait and watch it, we will get it out of there faster than pronto!" Saw the breast surgeon this morning and we will be doing surgery (outpatient) on January 14th.
This will be an excisional biopsy which removes the entire mass or abnormal area, as well as a surrounding margin of normal-looking breast tissue. They will use wire localization since it is a small lump that is hard to find by touch. First they'll use the mammogram machine to map out the mass and then they will insert a needle with a thin wire directly to the mass so the surgeon can get right to the mass and remove the entire thing. I'll have local anesthesia and something good to make me not care that they are cutting into me:) Then more of the waiting game for the path report-hopefully by that following Monday or Tuesday to find out whether its cancer.
The surgeon was awesome and I really liked him. He goes to our church and everyone I've talked to highly recommends him. He was very proactive and supportive of getting this done ASAP and not doing the "wait and see" approach as the radiologist had suggested. He was totally understanding of me wanting things done and of how I felt-BIG brownie points!! He actually tried to get the surgery done tomorrow but we wouldn't have had time to do the labs and the first opening was the 14th. He said there is only about a 10% chance that if it is cancer that it is metastasized from my cervical cancer, which would mean this is a whole different, separate, 2nd cancer. But all of that is to be determined and depends on whether its even cancer. Hopefully its not and we don't have to worry about all that junk.
So next week (Wednesday, 1/6) I have my routine GYN oncologist appt with a more extensive exam per my radiation oncologist because of some stuff still going on that should already be resolved if it were after effects of radiation (not pretty details so just pray it's nothing and something simple to fix and I won't have to torture with the info LOL). Then Friday I have my pre-op lab junk. And surgery is the 14th.
Please pray the obvious-that is not cancer, that its only in one spot and can be easily removed and have clear margins. Please also pray for my family, they are just as scared as me (though they are braver and actually show their fear, I just keep mine nice and bottled up and put on my game face), and especially on the 14th as it is also the 2 year anniversary of my Nana going to Heaven.
Ben told me last night that he is gearing up for the next round-I hate that he has to gear up for anything!! I'm ready for smooth sailing but I know THAT is not what God promised-he promised he would be with us every step of the way, and he has. I know he only gives us what he knows we can handle but I'm thinking we need to have a nice lil powwow and reassess just how much he thinks I can handle!! I know I can do this and be his lil warrior all the way through, I'm just sick of my family having to go through it too. I had a lil chat with him last night as I was attempting to doze off and just totally realized that apparently he has something super duper awesome up his sleeve for me, some kind of amazing plan that somehow involves cancer, and I guess I didn't catch on the last time so he is giving me another go around. Just gonna pray for an open heart, mind, ears and eyes so I can get it this time!!
This will be an excisional biopsy which removes the entire mass or abnormal area, as well as a surrounding margin of normal-looking breast tissue. They will use wire localization since it is a small lump that is hard to find by touch. First they'll use the mammogram machine to map out the mass and then they will insert a needle with a thin wire directly to the mass so the surgeon can get right to the mass and remove the entire thing. I'll have local anesthesia and something good to make me not care that they are cutting into me:) Then more of the waiting game for the path report-hopefully by that following Monday or Tuesday to find out whether its cancer.
The surgeon was awesome and I really liked him. He goes to our church and everyone I've talked to highly recommends him. He was very proactive and supportive of getting this done ASAP and not doing the "wait and see" approach as the radiologist had suggested. He was totally understanding of me wanting things done and of how I felt-BIG brownie points!! He actually tried to get the surgery done tomorrow but we wouldn't have had time to do the labs and the first opening was the 14th. He said there is only about a 10% chance that if it is cancer that it is metastasized from my cervical cancer, which would mean this is a whole different, separate, 2nd cancer. But all of that is to be determined and depends on whether its even cancer. Hopefully its not and we don't have to worry about all that junk.
So next week (Wednesday, 1/6) I have my routine GYN oncologist appt with a more extensive exam per my radiation oncologist because of some stuff still going on that should already be resolved if it were after effects of radiation (not pretty details so just pray it's nothing and something simple to fix and I won't have to torture with the info LOL). Then Friday I have my pre-op lab junk. And surgery is the 14th.
Please pray the obvious-that is not cancer, that its only in one spot and can be easily removed and have clear margins. Please also pray for my family, they are just as scared as me (though they are braver and actually show their fear, I just keep mine nice and bottled up and put on my game face), and especially on the 14th as it is also the 2 year anniversary of my Nana going to Heaven.
Ben told me last night that he is gearing up for the next round-I hate that he has to gear up for anything!! I'm ready for smooth sailing but I know THAT is not what God promised-he promised he would be with us every step of the way, and he has. I know he only gives us what he knows we can handle but I'm thinking we need to have a nice lil powwow and reassess just how much he thinks I can handle!! I know I can do this and be his lil warrior all the way through, I'm just sick of my family having to go through it too. I had a lil chat with him last night as I was attempting to doze off and just totally realized that apparently he has something super duper awesome up his sleeve for me, some kind of amazing plan that somehow involves cancer, and I guess I didn't catch on the last time so he is giving me another go around. Just gonna pray for an open heart, mind, ears and eyes so I can get it this time!!
Monday, October 19, 2009
You've Come A Long Way, Baby Girl
Sometimes I feel like that's what God is saying to me lately:) AND I LOVE that reminder!!
This weekend we got to pack up the kiddos (and their entourage) and head to Little Rock for Ben's cousin's wedding. Bella was the flower girl:) She did pretty awesome for her first gig-made it about 3/4 down the aisle before she saw Mama and decided to detour it straight for our pew LOL She did actually toss flowers out before that so she did better than me my first time LOL
I remember when I was first diagnosed and my cousin wanted me and my mom to come to a Taylor Swift concert with her in Chicago (unfortunately same weekend as the wedding). All I could think was, "OCTOBER?!?! Seriously, you think I'm gonna make it to October and actually feel human enough to not only make a trip to Chicago but do a concert?!?!" I told myself that I'd be happy if I was healthy enough to enjoy Christmas with my family.
So, it is October and here I am. I drove the whole way down and back-no my husband is not evil and did not force me to, I WANTED to and I was ABLE to:) I was ABLE to enjoy all the festivities and had a blast with my baby girl (and Mr. Man too). And didn't feel the need for a nap the entire weekend-HUGE for me!!!
It is still so hard to imagine that only 6 months ago I was hearing "it's cancer" for the first time, was going to all these insane appointments that I never imagined myself having to face, scheduling surgery, wondering when radiation would start and how long it would last, fearing they would find the cancer had spread, and just wanting my body to cooperate enough so I could enjoy every single second with my family, and praying this horrible disease did not have a negative impact on their lives (at least nothing they'll remember LOL). It seems like a lifetime ago that I was having to face this huge fight. But God never left my side for one minute-he was there for all those appointments, watched over the surgeons, was in the treatment room every afternoon (and even sent a few awesome cancer posse chicas my way to run into every afternoon), and took every cell of cancer out of my body. My family has been so blessed with all the prayers, emails, cards, meals, visits from complete strangers (AND people we love dearly LOL), and I know that is what kept us going.
It is scary, it does completely bring your world to a halt, and make you question all sorts of things that you never imagined would enter your mind, but in the end, its made me soooo much stronger and brought me a million times closer to my family, friends, and definitely God. Is it crazy to be thankful for cancer? I'm not thankful for all that we had to endure, but I'm thankful for the end product:)
My cheesy babies :)
Daddy with Hunter and Tinkerbelle
Daddy and his girl
Me and the flower girl:)
These crazy people that I live with decided to have a Parade LOL:)
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
The Latest
I started feeling kinda crummy last week-just real weak and some fatigue. Towards the end of the week I was having lots of dizzy spells, some nausea and shortness of breath. All the same stuff I experienced when my blood levels were low last time. So I went in yesterday to have my levels checked (YES, I should have done it before the holiday weekend). They are still in the "safe" zone but have dropped a bit. We're hoping that my body is just trying to fight off the bug that everyone is passing around. If I still feel crummy on Friday and haven't gotten sick, then I have to go back in to have my levels rechecked. Please pray that they bounce back!!
Gonna post updated pics/videos of the kiddos on the Family Blog.
Thank you all so much for the continued prayers!!!
Gonna post updated pics/videos of the kiddos on the Family Blog.
Thank you all so much for the continued prayers!!!
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