Friday, July 24, 2009

Too Good to be True?

I'm feeling so much better than last week-mentally, emotionally and physically. I still have pretty bad fatigue which I know is gonna hang around for a while from the cancer but at least its not the running-on-dangerously-low-blood-supply exhaustion. I've honestly never felt that cruddy in my life and just totally out of control. I feel like my energy is getting better every day but I'm still taking it slow because I've learned the hard way that just because I have a little energy doesn't mean I need to jump up and do all the things I want to do because then there will be ZILCH for energy.

I'm trying to be thankful that I'm feeling better but at the same time not get excited and take it for granted. It scares me because each time I've just gotten to the place where I'm thinking that I'm feeling good, something happens. I had gotten over my crazy pregnancy and CSection and was doing good with the kiddos, and BAM you have cancer. Recover from the surgery and then get zapped with radiation. Attempt to get over all the lovely radiation side effects and end up with low blood (found out that anything below 8 for hemoglobin levels is life threatening, mine was 7.7-yet the ER doc let me go home...). Just kinda makes ya wonder whats around the next corner. I know I can handle it because I've got God right here with me but the fear is still lingering in the back of my head. Not to mention the looming blood tests on August 3rd-never stop praying! I'm staying positive that it will just show it was a one time thing since I was anemic to begin with but then I get on the internet and research-NOT a good idea! I think fear is something I'm going to battle for the rest of my life as a cancer survivor. Hopefully I'll figure out a way to just hand it to God and know in my heart he is in control and worry is just a waste of energy. If only I had a little switch in the back of my head to turn that worry wort off:)

We are taking the kiddos swimming tomorrow-sooooo ready!!! Hope everyone has an awesome weekend!

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